You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
