Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
