hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
