Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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