you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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