there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
