I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
