I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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