he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Who died my cat blue again?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
