Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize