he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
