it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just want to make out with him forever
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
