I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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