I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
