you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
