I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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