Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
