I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
