i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
