saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
