This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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