how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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