She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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