if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
