it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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