She is in my trunk
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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