Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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