im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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