I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
