I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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