i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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