My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Text me some of your sweat
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
