she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
