i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
