I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
