I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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