hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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