Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
