I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
