We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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