apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
