If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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