I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
