Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize