he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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