I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
