I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
