my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish i was in the wii world.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
