My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
