why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
