he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
