a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
