I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
