the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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