this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
