this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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