I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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