you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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