the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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