I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
