shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
