last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
