I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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