Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
