True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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