Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
